Wanted by Hunter Hayes

I remember the first time I heard that song. We were at homecoming this year and everyone was singing along. "How have you never heard this song?" my friend asked me. I guess I lived under a rock. Or I didn't listen to regular radio. I think the latter is the true one because I'm pretty cold natured and rocks don't seem like nice places to live under. Every girl yelled the lyrics as they danced to it. Everything that don't make sense about me makes sense when I'm with you. Like everything that's green girl, I need you... 'cause I wanna wrap you up, wanna kiss your lips, I wanna make you feel wanted. 'Cause I wanna call you mine, wanna hold your hand forever, and never let you forget it. Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted.  Anyone can tell you you're pretty. You get that all the time. But your beauty's deeper than the makeup.

I thought about these lyrics and really pondered why this song is so popular. It's simple really--girls want to feel wanted. And they love it when boys make them feel wanted. Girls want a boy to come and tell them how beautiful they are without makeup and how special they are--how there's no other girl like them. 

I've found myself wanting these same things because it's in our nature as a female. Being single for the majority of my life, there have been multiple times that I have felt insignificant. I'm not different, I thought. No boy would really want me because I am nothing special. It wasn't until recently that I triumphed over this lie. And it wasn't because some boy told me I was wanted. I read a book called God Loves Ugly by Christa Black. It was all about loving yourself and loving who God made you to be. At the end of the book, there was an assignment to write yourself a love letter. Sounds kind of strange, but I did it and it opened my eyes to everything I loved about myself. There are things about myself that no one else has. I am something unique and special! There is no one else like me. This isn't me saying that I am the only one who is different. The beautiful thing is that our creator made us all unique and different. We all have different smiles and laughs, different personalities and different funny things we do. We all have differences that make us something special.

It's not until I realized this that I understood how wanted I am. Jesus has been actively pursuing me. He wants my whole heart, he wants to make me feel loved. He wants me to be with him in heaven. I am wanted. And so are you. So very deeply that it's hard to grasp. This is something I'm struggling with now, to be content being single, because I really do long for a boy to make me feel special. I long to be chosen out of a group of girls. And God knows that. But, God knows that he is the only one who can make me feel worthy and loved to the fullest. There will always be times in a relationship with a boy where no matter what he says or does to make me feel special, I won't believe him. This is where God comes in. I need to build this foundation with Jesus before I get into a relationship destined for failure and heartbreak. 

During this time of singleness, God wants to take me and use me to grow his kingdom and spread his love to others. 

It's difficult because this song Wanted by Hunter Hayes is about a boy-girl relationship. It's different with God. God is everything we need. But God knows our desires to be with a husband someday. To physically feel how wanted we are. God knows and God will provide. But it's not until we realize how wanted we are, how valuable we are, and how worthy of love we are that we can truly accept this gift from God. I'm still growing in my "relationship" with myself. There are times I think I am scum and there are times I feel like an olympic champion. But if I keep holding onto the Constant Pursuer, the one who loves me forever for just being me, I will truly realize how wanted I am. I hope you can do the same.

The Ultimate Critic

http://youtu.be/IeXIJCs-d-g

This shot me in the gut. "Stop saying you're dirt. Stop saying you're scum of the earth. You ought to be careful about how you talk about someone else's work." I often put myself down for my flaws and forget to realize that I'm criticizing God, saying the thing he created is not good enough. What I ought to say is that I'm a beautiful canvas, a masterpiece that he wants to shine through. Each day I'm going to remember what God told me in this video. It hurts him more than it hurts me when I criticize myself.

We all need saving

It's sometimes difficult for me to understand just how broken I am. With my natural tendency to compare myself to others, I see I'm doing pretty well. I'm decently happy. I don't make too many people mad on a daily basis. I'm not perfect, sure, but no one is, right? And I think these things, which are totally natural, and decide that I'm not really that broken. I lose sight of the fact that I'm flawed and that I sin millions of times a day- and don't even realize it! Ultimately, I lose sight of the fact that I need saving.
It's really easy to see how much someone who is addicted to heroine needs to be saved. It's really easy to understand that someone going through a divorce needs to be saved. But when life is going great and God is blessing me, sure I give thanks, but I really stop grasping the fact that I am just as broken as a heroine addict. I'm just as sinful.
Sometimes I ask God to show me just how broken I am, and just how much I need him in my life. It seems weird to ask God to reveal to me how sinful I am because it may require me messing up (which I'm not a fan of). But I know this is a vital link in adequately being thankful for and realizing the great magnitude of Jesus's death on the cross- so that he could save me from my sin and my brokenness. Although it is somewhat scary, I challenge you to partner with me in asking God to reveal our brokenness to us. Not so that we can feel guilty or depressed at how imperfect we are, but so that we can feel the deep need to embrace a God that is not broken or sinful or imperfect. A God that wants to make us whole and pure just like Him.

First blogpost!

So this isn't my first blogpost. I lied. Sorry that's how we started this guy up, but we're rolling. I decided that I didn't like my original title of this blog and it threw the whole thing off. For one, I was embarrassed to ever say it and secondly, it was just weird. So I changed it and I'm actually really liking it. The reason I chose it was because of my testimony/ story/ what God has laid on my heart. And I'm about to tell you a little bit about it.
I've spent a good part of my life feeling invisible. And I hate feeling invisible. With a burning passion. I don't really think anyone likes feeling invisible. You see, I'm semi-shy especially in big groups where I clam up and my voice cracks and I can't think of anything valuable to say to the conversations or to anything. Over the years, and this year especially, I've finally started to feel visible (people don't say that often...I think because it sounds odd). Anyways I've grown so much over the years that I'm so comfortable now with who I am. I'm definitely not to the point of launching myself into a group of people I don't know and striking up conversation, but I feel way more confident than I ever have. Which is exciting. I know this is due to a variety of reasons but the primary reason is the Big Guy. God has continuously placed people into my life to show me that I matter and that he sees me. I'm so thankful for that. Writing also makes me feel less invisible. I hope someday God gives me the opportunity to show others they matter and are seen, and maybe he'll do that through this blog, but for now I'm just going to write about the thoughts I'm having. I think I have an interesting perspective (I hope) so we'll see how I like this. Read what you want and give me feedback if you want!